Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How does it feel to date your dad?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
