I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
