How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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