i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
