I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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