I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
