ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have aggressive nipples.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
