Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
