I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
