i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
