So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
