I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
