rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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