my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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