guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
