I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize