Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
