Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
