Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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