your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
