There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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