Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
