This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
