yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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