$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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