Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
