so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
