Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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