; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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