I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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