I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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