i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
