This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
