I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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