Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
