why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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