I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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