I think im going to throw up on grandma
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize