Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
