Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
