a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
