I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
