I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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