The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
