Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
