I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
