1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
