Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
