the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is wine microwaveable?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
