So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
