She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You should frame my arrest warrant.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
