Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
