Duck Duck Cougar?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize