My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
