you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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