WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
