Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
