His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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