Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
