it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
