My hand turned me down
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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