i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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