I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
