oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
