Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
