i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
