Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize