i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
