You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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