I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
