Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize