So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
